Recap #1

College has presented a whole new set of challenges, exhilaration, and much needed experiences. I've had far from the typical experiences here; the months of crushing conformity really made me question why I was doing what I was doing. I've never been pushed so hard to fit into a mold and I really resented it. I realize that it is only temporary and that I need it to do what I want to do, but I still resent being apart of it nonetheless. I made it through those really long days and here I am; somewhat changed (and for the better).

During the month of confinement, I thought about life more than I ever had. I reflected on all the choices I made and why they influenced me the way they did. In my searching, I looked through some of my older blog posts and tried to understand where I was coming from. It is now clear to me that I made the mistake that so many do their senior year:

1. Don't look to others (specifically significant) for your sense of happiness
2. You won't stay in your hometown forever
3. All that stupid stuff you did and thought everyone would remember? Nobody remembers
4. You don't need dessert at the end of every day
5. Enjoy everything for what it is

I will say that I had a great senior year, and I've made friends that will stick with me throughout my entire life because I went where I did. In all honesty, they're are probably reading this right now (Thanks guys). I loved my school, but I'm glad I left when I did. The tides of change are constant, and the school that I idolized as a child has changed into something that I can barely recognize. Maybe it was just the shine wearing off. Maybe it was the influence of all things green and weighty. Either way, I'm out of there and glad to be.

The summer before college was a great one. I spent many days playing baseball, enjoying the sun, and working the docks for the last time. I loved the hot days and I miss the freedoms that I had. I will truly miss the smell of the inside of the Toyota during a mild morning, watching the beams of orange light refract into my eyes while I drive, and watching the sun go down on the lake every day. I will miss the times I dug into the box and the feeling of solid contact down the line. These are the things I loved about summer. These are the things I will not have again in my life.

Currently, I am sitting in my dorm and writing to decompress. As you can see, I've been out of the blogging scene for a while, and I feel like a piece of me is missing. This is one of the best forms of release for me, even if nobody reads what I write; the act of typing steadies not only my mind and hand, but allows me to put a thesis on the day. Without it I felt like I wasn't saying everything I needed to, kind of like keeping you mouth shut in an important conversation when you really feel like you have something worthwhile to say.

So, this is my worthwhile statement. I'm back, and I am glad to be.

Thanks for the read, and here's to more posts.

AF