You see, now is a funny time (not in the LOL way either). I've never been more present; never have I had more opportunities than now. Presently, there has has never been a better time to be alive, but I've never felt more conflicted. Each and every mold I try to break from is pulling at me, tearing me limb from limb until only a stump is left. Roots begin to grow from the places where my legs used to be. A canopy forms over my head.
Honestly, the shade feel pretty good and I'm content to stay where I am. This place is warm, safe, nourishing and my friends and family are here. I see the sun rise over the mountains every day and squirrels often come to perch on the long branches that have exploded from my heart. My bark has grown larger than I've ever expected it to be; moss is forming on my north side. I see the deer run into the mountains and I see the hunters chasing them. I see the snow pile up, and the mountains turn into a pure white hell. I see their tracks, and I long to follow them.
Whats on the other side of those mountains?
See the flames behind us? I can't turn my head anymore, too much moss. I see the smoke though, and the rabbit told me that it was near. I looked into his eyes and told him that everything was going to be okay, and he let out a cry for help. He said that his home was back there and how desperately he wants to go back.
"It will all work out. Go, outrun the flames licking your tail."
"But what about you? Are you just going to die here with the rest of the forest?"
"You forget little rabbit, I can't move. I'm stuck in this self-perpetuating cycle."
"You're using word I don't understand... it's scaring me!"
"I'm sorry little one, but its the truth. I know how you are feeling, but I'll be right next to you every step of the way."
"No! I'll stay here! With you!"
The tears began to flow down his white pelt leaving ice in their wake. He began to tremble; the whimpered incomprehensible syllables only added to the stress of the situation. I had to make him leave. My own demise was crushing me far more than I expected. Rabbit would only suffocate me more.
"Leave Rabbit! Go! Leave me! Don't die here with me, escape the tongues of firs behind me. Run to a new life! Let me burn, die here by myself!"
With those words, rabbit scurried to safety. He left me and my dry tinder box of a body behind. I wish he had never stopped. He made me think about what was to come next. What is the next stage? The fire began to embrace me in the typical way; slowly at first then all at once. It tickled for a moment, then it engulfed my entirety.
My branches; seared and dying. The heat generated from my own appendages make loud cracks and pops; it was all very satisfying. I wonder if all my self loathing made me so dry, or was it just the diet?
I fall, fall down to an earth that I have been avoiding for so long. The thud of my being and the frozen ground sends tremors all the way to rabbit. I know he felt me hit the earth. If he followed my directions, he should be gone by now; far enough to feel and hear but a safe distance away. You know, like the little section of pie on the venn diagrams that overlaps. Now, back to death..
I am dust, and you too will know the feeling? It gets in between your toes, you know. It feels kinda nice, you know? The breath that burns your lungs, you know? We enjoy the pain. We enjoy our roots and our inability to move. We like being tied down to one damned spot forever. We like to spill out blood for something, and to watch others burn just for the hell of it. Why? Why do we love to watch other self enlarge; immolate and crumble for something "larger" than ourselves. I don't understand.
Oh, how I long to see the other side of those mountains...
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