A Week in Review

This week started off on the worst of foots; literally everything hit the fan all at the same time. I was knocked back with a sardonic smile and a impersonal slap to the face. I had no idea it was coming. It was a hard pill to swallow to say the least. I was stunned. 

Even now I still don't feel quite right. Mornings are tough; the ringing alarm bell often brings a sense of dread mixed with anxiety. There is relief from all this though, and it's down the hall and to the left. The sensation of warm water running down my body helps to relive the stress of another day at your expense. When I climb out and towel off, I look at the clock. I'm ahead of schedule... again. Maybe it was the thoughts that kept me from sound sleep, or perhaps the shower was cut short due to the lack of hot water. No. It was the thoughts of so many things that were the results of the tossed sheets.

I search for something to wear; nothing is appealing to the eye. I reach, tug, and pull over my head. Jeans are much the same, except I look for what pair is cleanest (least dirty).  Dressed, I look in the mirror; no BBQ stains... I'm good. Food hasn't tasted so great either. Lately it's been a means to an end. Just another chore everyone needs to do. I walk to my pantry and pull put a plain bad of pre-sliced bread, smother it with crunchy peanut butter and eat it on the run. Usually I'd sit down and eat filling bowl of oatmeal but somehow minuets were lost between now and then. I'm running late. I need to get to school. I can't be late.

I load the car and start the engine. Nothing. Frozen. I yell in frustration bit no one is listening; they were smarter than me and they left earlier. I try again. Nothing. Dammit! The second alarm goes off on my phone. It reads go to school now or you are f***ed. Those LED words have never been so right.  One last time... a last ditch effort. She won't start. She starts. She dies. She's cold. She won't start. Turn the key once more. She starts. She's alive. 

On the road I contemplate turning on the radio. Maybe it would warm this impersonal gray interior up a little bit. Maybe it would offer some sort of escape for a moment. I click the button and sound comes though the frozen speakers. It sounds as if I am inside a tin can. Nothing is on. Only adverts and wings about things I don't really wish to think about. I push the button again; nothing is appealing. 

As I pull into the parking lot I see people, but more importantly their relationships with those around them. Frankly, some don't care about anything more than their own personal sphere of influence while others would give you the coat off their back. Others are looking for a misfortune greater than their own so they can find some temporary solace at someone else's expense. It's hard to watch and even harder to see the victims turn into the predictors. You see, it's a cycle of dominance -or something akin to it anyway. Much like out cousins in the jungles, we are always looking for a way to get ahead. Sometimes that is by throwing our feces across rom full of our peers. Sometimes it is stealing a banana. 

You can really see this at the front door (This is the most informative part of my day). This is where you can really see the difference in the two animal kingdoms. Some days there will be older ladies/gentlemen with huge amounts of luggage in tow : they have their hands full. Some people open the door for them and maybe even hold it open for the people behind them. Some will open the door only just enough so that they can sneak though, turning their bodies sideways and walking as fast as possible. 

Once inside the day truly begins. Lately I've thrown myself into my studies. It's nice to be occupied; it brings a certain feeling of fulfillment. Good for the mind. I enjoy learning new things and pushing myself to new heights. It's nice to see your vocabulary expand and the math become easier. It's a good feeling. After school there is skiing; the best part of the day by far. This is where the metal meets the bone. I love the speed of the course and the pop of a properly loaded up ski. However, that's not the best part. There is a side effect to the speed; your mind is focused. Never have I had clearer thoughts in my life. Things are simple when traveling as fast as a car on route four. The clarity feels good and roomy. Personal troubles loose all meaning; there is only space.

The end of practice is sad. The gloom of the morning comes back to me as I load my skis back into my car. The drive home is silent. Once home I unload my equipment and eat with the family. Again, the food is good but I'm not hungry. My parents as I talk about our day and upcoming events. The topics of college and retiring to Florida are the most common. 

Time speeds up at around seven o'clock. I do my homework and spend a little time on Netflix watching some foreign french movie explains how gray everything is (yet it is gritty and no I am not that good at french), Thank God for subtitles. Sometimes I watch Dexter, a show that tries to justify itself and does a decent job of it. I'm on the third season right now. They're getting married and having a child. Anyway...

Before I know it I'm tired. Not the time-to-sleep tired but the I-can't-do-anything-useful-might-as-well-do-nothing kind of tired. So I retire to my bed and a pair of headphones. I start on my playlist entitled "Sadboi" and begin the trip though my guilty pleasures. While listening to the angst filled teens scream (semi-relevant) poetry over twinkly guitar solos I lay as still as possible. It's an odd feeling losing the sensation of the barrier between your skin and the blankets. Sometimes I feel as though I am apart of the bed I sleep in. I am the symbiotic parasite that gives the bed meaning (or maybe it is the other way around?).

When sleep finally overtakes me, I float into a world devoid of dreams. My thoughts are equally as empty but they contain a silence that speaks in volumes; another day is here and I must get ready. The alarm is ringing.
I can't be late for school.
Shower.
Get dressed.
 Eat.
Arrive.
Watch and learn.
Ski and relax.
Come home.
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