Gone out to eat. Be back later. Please find Proj Screen. Need dearly.
Love Mom
Great. My Mom asked me to look through the contents of our overcrowded cellar to find a projector screen that is the following things:
1. Older than I am
2. Probably left in a house far away (before my lifetime)
2.1 If it is in the house, it is more than likely covered in mouse poo and dust bunnies
3. Yellow
So I looked. Searched. Riffled through. Overturned. But alas, no projector screen. However, in my final moments of rooting around I found something of much larger importance. There was a box on top of a large plastic container. It was in a safe place, far away from leaks and other varmints. So, being the mischievous monkey that I am I opened the box.
Radiology Report: Chemo....
It went on to describe the procedures done, medications, and effects of what had happened. It was dated June 1988. My brother was born in 1980. He was 8 years old when this report happened.
Suddenly I realized what I found. My brother's battle with cancer was long and hard fought. These were the manuscripts of every visit. Every second was written down and recorded for some unknown reason. These were the experiences my brother had. It was all right in front of me, the mass of paper was at least as thick as an old Webster dictionary.
I began to read. The more I read the more I began to realize what living hell cancer is. The whole experience was bizarre. Have you ever tried to meet someone through medical records? I didn't want to read the records, but I wanted to know more about my brother. Who is this child? How are we alike? I kept looking for more information. I needed to know. I lusted for information. With a slight shift of the wrist, a tape was exposed. Should I go deeper into a life that I have never known?
It was a conversation between the doctor, my mother, and her (future ex)husband. The doctor opened with the typical hello and greeted them. Then he told them about the results of the test. My brother's cancer had come out of remission. It was back. The tape was dated 1988. They talked about chemo and what the future held, but it was really heavy stuff and I just wanted to hear my brother's voice. I fast forwarded to a random spot and pressed play.
My mother voice sounded familiar, but a lot more youthful. Her inflection was positive, but I knew she was hurting on the inside. She was talking with a doctor about the chance of a bone marrow transplant, and thats when I heard a voice that I can't stop thinking about. It was a voice of an angel; a living saint that never caused hurt to anyone or anything. I've never heard a voice so pure and sinless. He was asking to see the unit where the procedure would be done.
I couldn't take it. I turned the tape off and put it back in its sheath. I put it back underneath the papers and put everything back the way I found it. I had to walk away; this was too much for one night. You see, my brother and I have a lot in common. I never had cancer or spent years in a hospital, but I did spend days in the ICU, in the same hospital my brother stayed in. I went to the same children's center my brother received treatment in. I even had the same nurse as my brother. We have a lot in common, and I know I will think about him as my head hits the pillow tonight.
"A child living with this disease is always sent straight to heaven" my mom always says, "they've already had enough pain in their life." My mom was right, my brother is an angel.The hardest part about tonight was knowing the outcome of all of this. I looked at dated letters and tapes and knew how long he had left on this earth. He was only nine years old when he passed away.
Life is such a precious thing. My brother and I never met, but he has effected me in ways larger than anyone could ever imagine. He's been my driving force; my motivation to go farther and to do new things. He's always been there, watching over me and protecting me. I have a lot to thank him for and a lot of life left to live.
As we meander through the woods
We often forget how fortunate we are to walk
Our feet trod on earth untouched-
Unknown by so many yet loved unconditionally
Make haste! Venture into the great unknown
fore your clock is ticking
Have you seen the angel's feet?
Have you heard the angel's voice?
Have you felt the angel's wings?
Now is your chance.
Oh, and I didn't end up finding the projector screen.
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