As we learn the true intentions behind the monster's actions, we begin to feel for the horrendous existence of the beast. The monster wishes to be alive as much a student wishes for homework; death would be his true solace. This idea of sympathizing with a monster peaks during the following lines,
"My person was hideous and my stature gigantic. What did this mean? Who was I? What was I? Whence did I come? What was my destination? (page 152 in e-text, 91 in printed text)
Can one not feel for this miserable wretch? He is distraught; dead inside, knowing nothing of what he is or what his origin comes from. His name warrants fear. We have names for people in this condition; at risk. If a comrade found this passage scribbled in a notebook, one would hope they would reach out to the individual. The monster is lost and feels as though he has neither option nor binding condition. He simply is.
Much like the monster, youth question what their meaning is. In their last year of high school, many face large questions that most are not ready for. Moments ago, you expected them to ask permission to go to the bathroom. Now, you expect them to choose a path to success. Colleges are many. So are scholarships.
Grades are good. We want you. Major?
Engineering.
Wonderful. We make good ones here. Do you like math?
No.
They why be an engineer?
It makes people stop asking the same damn question over and over. I have no clue what I want to do.
Just go undecided. Problem solved.
I spend money without direction. Sounds like you make out better than I do.
No No. We have a plethora of counselors that work day and night to better you and find you a major. We'll just focus on gen ed classes for your first year.
What happens after that?
Hopefully we will have something picked out. We do a great job.
I'm sure. Why don't I just join up instead?
Well, that would be very brave. Yes indeed. Why would you do that?
Because it would give me a purpose. Something to do. A direction.
So very patriotic of you.
Not really. It would simply pass the time.
That doesn't seem like a good idea.
Yeah. It's pretty terrible actually.
Long Silence
Back to majors, what interests you?
I like everything really. But, you know. Liking everything is sorta liking nothing. Get me?
No, I don't. I don't understand.
If I like everything. I can't pick just one.
Sure you can. We will help you pick one.
I hope so.
What do you mean you hope?
I'm not convinced.
So all your work these past years was for...
I like what I do. I didn't do it for your damn school.
Oh, I didn't mean for that to come the way it did. That sounded pretty narcissistic didn't it.
Yep.
Well, looks like were done here.
Yep. Thanks for you time.
No problem. Hey, do try to think about your future. Alright?
Future?I'm just trying to get through the week. I juggle so much and it all pulls me in different directions. There is only so much I can do, and I've worked so damn hard for it all. I love what I do, and once its gone I... I don't know.
It will work out, have faith.
Oh, I do. Lots of it. That's all I've got.
At that moment, the student walked out of the room, down the hall, out of the building, and into their car. The car bends at the hands of the diver and drives out off the parking lot. The student now heads toward the next stage of life
not
knowing
what
the
hell
I
am
going
to
do.
not
knowing
what
the
hell
I
am
going
to
do.